:(

i carry my phone everywhere with me hoping you'll call or text, my phone rings all day, but its never you, and everytime it rings and i see it's NOT you, it hurts more cause it shows you don't care. This is the point that hurts most, but i told you i'd leave you alone like you asked, so i will keep that promise, yes it hurts me but i'll let you go. i guess i always knew it would end like this but i knew i'd have fun while it lasted so i took the risk, it's my own fault that now i'm going through the pain cause i knew it would happen but i still went ahead with it.

Painful

Annie;

jinos

Random People

Evening,
There comes a time in life, when you look around at everyone, people you walk past in the street, people who sit next to you on the bus, just random people you dont know anything about. when that time comes you look at these people and suddenly stop looking at them just briefly and start trying to search through their eyes. my time came a while back, i just looked at this people and realised that they all had a goal. weather it was to get home from work, or go to the shops for the family.. they all had a goal.. one man was on the Phone telling his girlfriend (i assume) that he loved her, that it could work, that he was sorry and he was on his way to her to explain. When he hanged up the phone he sat there, staring out of the bus window and his face was full of panic, and confusion. Thats when i realised, in life everyone is having their own problems, and everyone is too busy thinking about what they are going through to look around or even care about what anyone else is going through.. life is full of little surprises.. and if you dont stop and look around you sometimes, you miss all the good things in life!
What i realised today is no matter how bad my troubles seem, everyone else is going through problems too..! thats just life!

Thoughtful huh!
Annie;
jinos

My Head.

Ola, Bonjour, Guten Tag, Hello..
im feeling a little BLAH tonight so i went and looked at my old blogs, and scrap books, and i found some amazing shit saved there. haha. so i feel the urge to write some of it down. here goes;;

The meeting of 2 personalities is like the contact of 2 chemical substances; If there is a reaction, both are transformed.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this;
decide what you want.

Lovers dont finally meet somewhere,
thery're in each other all along.

Love isn't a decision, its a feeling, if we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, BUT much less MAGICAL.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, Just be there and love someone else.

When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who wont cry over you.

ACTIONS speak louder then WORDS.

Dont frown, you never know whos falling in love with your smile.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense..so for now laugh at all the confusion..smile through the tears..and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

All i want is for one guy to prove to me that they're not all the same.

Every good thing in life takes time and there is no limit on how much time it might need..
maybe a week..maybe a month..maybe a year..
BUT see none of that really matters cause if it's meant to be it will happen.

Me and You, we could make the world jealous.

I do my thing and you do your thing..
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not here to live up to mine..
you are you and i am i..
and if by chance we find each other it's BEAUTIFUL.

So from now on when you think of me think i could have been the best thing you ever had.

The more you know,
The less you understand.

I have not failed..
I've just found 10.000 ways that do not work.

Life is too short..
grudges are a waste of perfect happiness..
laugh when you can..
Apologize when you should..
and let go of what you cant change..
love deeply and forgive quickly..
take chances..
give everything and have no regrets..
life's too short to be unhappy..
you have to take the good with the bad..
smile when your sad..
love what you got and always remember what you had..
Always forgive.
never forget..
Learn from your mistakes but never regret.

If you looked inside a girl,
you would see how much she really cries,
you would find so many secrets and lots of lies,
but what you'll see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire lifetime to forget them!

Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.

The best things in life are unseen,
thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry and dream!

PARTY like a ROCKSTAR
PLAY like an ALLSTAR
LIVE like a MOVIESTAR
&
FUCK like a PORNSTAR

Find arms that will hold you at your weakest,
eyes that will see you at your ugliest
and a heart that will love you at your worst
then you have found TRUE LOVE

It doesnt matter anymore,
i guess things happen for a reason,
tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how its supposed to be,
moving on is a process and you have to promise yourself that you're really ready to let go.

We were given 2 hands to hold,
2 legs to walk,
2 eyes to see,
2 ears to listen,
BUT why only 1 heart??
because the other 1 was given to someone for us to find.

You can only push a girl away for so long
until she walks out of your life on her own
so be CAREFUL and make sure this is WHAT YOU WANT
because once she turns around
she isnt coming back.

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does..

There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.

walk as tall as the trees, as strong as the mountains, be as gentle as the spring winds and the great spirit will be with you always.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let us down probably will. You'll have your heart broken, probably more then once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when someone broke yours. You'll fight with your best friend and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone close to you. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
*Sighs*
Annie;
jinos

"I Love You" Means NOTHING!

Tonight i got hurt..
i got hurt because of something i saw.. i kept quiet and and i didn't want to say anything, i didn't want to ruin any ones fun! Then the night got weird and now I'm angry for something completely different! I knew that i was gonna get hurt, i knew what i was looking at was gonna hurt me, but i couldn't stop..! i knew i should have stopped yet i didn't want to. Now its too late i know stuff, I've seen stuff and I've read stuff..i guess i should be less nosey! I Remember our first discussion about "moving too fast" i remember what he said to me, i remember the exact words he said..i remember how i lied and told him everything was fine, when really he was actually hurting me deep. All of that got sorted and even though i had been hurt i slowly trusted him. i grew to trust him. I remember the first time he said "I Love You" my response was "DON'T..Don't say stuff you don't mean" and he said he did mean it, it was true..! i said it back, not because he did but because i knew it was true..i had never felt that way with anyone before, it was all new to me..so i don't know what love feels like, but I'm guessing it felt like that. Maybe we were moving too fast, everyone kept saying "Time will tell.." and maybe everyone was right, but when i was next to him, within reach of him, none of that mattered..it was just me and him and it "FIT". So maybe everyone is still right and maybe we should slow everything down..! Can we take back all that we have said?? or have we screwed it up for good now? "TIME WILL TELL" <-- haha. i don't understand him sometimes, what started out as me hurt by something i had found out by myself, ended up with me hurt because he wouldn't say what he had no trouble in saying for days now! i dunno whats happened but suddenly saying "I Love You" like he has been doing, was too hard for him :/ he told me not to give up.. its hard.. but i do care about him, soooo... CONFUSED
Annie;
jinos

The Little Prince.

As far back as i remember, He was there, he was a part of my life even if he didn't know it, There were times when his words helped heal a broken heart, times when his words were said in a perfect way and times when he spoke so profoundly that every listener was attentive to what he was saying! He had this way with people, and yet he seemed to think that he was no good at the social part of life. His laugh was Intoxicating, his body movements were mesmerizing, his voice was like heavens angels singing in a choir and his heart was full of good, pureness, love and compassion. There will never be another like him, He was the one and only to ever grace this earth. We look in our hearts for reasons as to why he had to leave so soon, and the only one that makes any sense is that maybe his time here on earth was done, there was nothing left for him to achieve and the lord needed him more for far more greater things in the heavens!


"What moves me so deeply,
about this sleeping prince..
is his loyalty to a flower--the image of a rose shining within him like a flame within a lamp,
even when he's asleep.
And I realized he was even more fragile than I had thought.
Lamps must be protected.
A gust of wind can blow them out."


"We need to look up, where he is undoubtedly perched on a crescent moon, and we need to smile."

He had a meaning to live, He had a reason, He was put on this earth for a purpose, And now that his work is done and he has full filled his mission in his destiny, He can now return home, He can now gain his wings and roam around freely in the heavens above, With no one judging and ridiculing him anymore.

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
Ill never let you part
For you're always in my heart
x

PROUD
Annie;
jinos

LETS MAKE BETTER MISTAKES TOMORROW.

SHE FINALLY GAVE UP,
SHE DROPPED THE FAKE SMILE,
AS A TEAR RAN DOWN HER CHEEK SHE WHISPERED TO HERSELF
"i CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!"
Surprisingly today I'm better then yesterday, i hope it carries on. i get the occasional "PENGGG" feeling but then it subsides and i get better again! :/ i wonder how long it will last.

Baffled
Annie;
jinos

:(

I feel the need to blog right now.
i dont know how to feel, i mean im torn, im hurt, im upset and mostly im confused. I hate "IT" but i have no say in "IT". What can i do, apart fro sit here and feel silly. How could i let it effect me this much..but as i think about it, its still NOTHING to how i felt on the 22nd of January 2008, i guess that says alot about everything. i have nothing more to say, at the end of the day..its my own fault for allowing myself to get so caught up in "IT" that now i feel like this. WORST thing is, im just gonna do it all over again, im gonna allow myself to be swept up in the next thing, and then i will end up feeling like this yet again..and as always, i will blame myself and say i should have known better when i really did, bu ti didnt care..at the time it was perfect. :/
i still feel it though, i wont be able to stop it.. :(

RUBBISH
Annie;
jinos

Have you ever been so afraid of something, even though it will only bring good into your life..?

Have you ever been afraid to let someone in,
Someone who you have not known for long,
Someone who you may have known once,
Someone who could hurt you,
Someone who could destroy you,
Someone totally and utterly new.
Have you ever been afraid to let them completely see you at ease,
To let them completely know you,
To completely let them into your darkest secrets and deepest desires.
For fear of getting hurt,
for fear of not knowing what might happen,
For fear of what..?
What are we afraid of..?
Afraid of getting what we want, and not being happy with it.
Afraid of not getting what we want, and knowing it's our own fault for putting up a wall and blocking anyone from entering past it.
Mostly we're afraid to give our hearts away,
we're scared that the person won't look after it right,
we're scared that after years of protecting it, we hand it to someone else and they smash it up.
We are scared of Love, but most of us want to be in it....



I'm scared.
Annie;
jinos

I Ramble When i'm nervous. *Sorry*

Hi everyone, my mood today is a little blurr to tell you the truth. I spent the day at work and it was normal so nothing to report there. I came home and it was normal, again nothing to report there. Joanne told me that it looks like our summer holiday may be off, well actually more like a YES it's off..! I'm totally gutted by this news. urgh, my week seriously can't get any worse. i also feel..ODD, it dont make sense and i cant write it down, it would make even less sense, but here goes.. i dread going to sleep now, it means i have to read "New Moon" because im so used to reading before bed, "New Moon" has made me feel empty to be honest, i miss the love and passion the other book had. Then again no one is forcing me to read it and i doo feel like i want to, i read roughly 8 pages and put the book down cause i cant take anymore of it. Then i get another feeling of guilt, and i think why is this happening? i start to think things like "Has it all changed?" and i start hoping that no..because it never was meant to change NEVER. Then i realise "No, things haven't changed.." but i still feel the guilt. Theres this queasy feeling in m tummy all the time, along with dread, and hope all mixed together. See i told ya it makes no sense how im feeling. MAYBE i'm just an emotional wreck at the moment. I think maybe I've just realised something in the last couple of days, and its something which has taken a long time to settle in with me. :( i don't want to waste my time, but i have been for ages, years even. i need a change..i need something DRASTIC, but how can i suddenly stop all that i know, and where do i start looking for what i am searching for. :/ i dunno, this post is just jumble it makes no sense to anyone but me, and I'm sorry! I'll try again tomorrow. B the way watched "Mamma Mia" and its cheesy, and goofy, and weird but i sang along to nearly all the songs and it did make me laugh..so (Y) thumbs up!! "Dark Knight" & "City of God" tomorrow, yahoooo

I suck at blogging.
Annie;
jinos

Mother

She taught me so much, i dont think she even realises how much she left behind in my life, the little things i picked up on. I never realised how much i depended on her, i never thought about the day when she would go, the day where everything would change, even at the moment she was leaving i still stood there, frozen to the spot thinking maybe she wouldn't go and maybe just maybe she would realise how much i loved and still needed her. IT DIDNT HAPPEN..! and just like that she was gone, she would for now and for always be a memory in my head.
And the little girl who had once loved her so much, and who had once thought she would never be happier had grown up. I didnt notice it at the time, but slowly over time, i could see i was no longer the same girl and i never would be. Something inside me had changed and she was at the center of it all.

Miss You
Annie;
jinos

Here We Go..

I don't usually post this deep, but certain things happen and you shouldn't keep it inside. so "Here We Go".. i'm Ana, born in faro, raised in vila franca de xira and porto alto. it was a happy time, had my nans, grandpa's, cousins, aunties and uncles near by. i lived with my mum and dad, mum was 17 when she had me and dad was about 27, they thought they were in love, and so little Ana Cristina Viegas was born. Dad wanted to get out of Portugal, he had dreams, he wanted to make something of himself, he packed up and moved to England, promising to send for me and mum when he had settled down, had a job and a house. Mum missed him, she wrote letters to him all the time, he called, i sent him a fathers day card mum helped me make (you know i found that card in my dads things about 4 years ago, i still have it, all old and faded). Mum couldn't stand to be near her mum (my nan) they didn't always get on, nan was controlling and i think she didn't think mum could look after me so she tried to raise me as her own, mum didn't like that, and so decided to leave Portugal. we had no idea where dad was except it was somewhere in England. mum decided to go to France, to live with her auntie Rosa. nan tried everything to stop us, and mum didn't have enough money, so my uncle offered her the money, she was too proud to take it so she gave him some old sofas we had in our house as part of a deal, (my uncle still mentions this, that he took the sofas even though he never needed them, just so we could "ESCAPE"). Mum went to the local cafe and the woman made some sandwiches and bottles of milk for me for the journey for free. mum had one suitcase, she filled it with my stuff and she left all her stuff. We were really going. i was leaving my home, i was leaving my family, my nan who had yogurts in her fridge for me all the time, my uncle gab who would come see me and i knew it was him because of his motorbike noise, my uncle tino who used to buy me nappies, but i had my mum. i was going to France for who knew how long..! it was going to be fine. We arrived and went to auntie Rosa and uncle Raymond's house. they were strict, i soon started nursery in France, i couldn't talk one word of it, and i had to point at everything i wanted, but i made friends. it was my new life. After 3 months dad wrote, he had a job..we could come over, he could support us. so mum packed everything up again. for me it was a way of life, i just thought that's how everyone lived. We were leaving again, but i still had my mum. When we arrived in England, mum went right past dad, didn't even recognise him (he had grown his hair) haha i realised it was him straight away though. dad got us set up in an apartment type thing, (at this point i lived next door to my best friend and i didn't even know her yet) :P mum made friends in our apartment with another Portuguese woman who would go on to be her best friend for ever in England "Paula" i became friends with her son "gerson". Soon i started primary school, in year 1, i had done reception in France. it was god hard to understand, i had Portuguese and french in my head and now another language..?! Mum also found it hard, being away from dad, he didn't live with us yet, and her trying to understand English. she once went in a shop and had to open the bottle and smell it to see what it was (it was bleach) lol life went on normally until i was in year 3, they mixed the children around and i got put in the same class as "Joanne Calvert" (my life would never be the same again) she understood me, she helped me, she was there for me and we became best friends! wherever she was i was there too..teachers stared Calling us "JO-ANNA", it became easier. haha. when i was about 5 years old, mum lost a baby, i was with her in the hospital and i saw the baby all blue, and tiny. mum had alot of injections which made me scream the hospital down. i was in love with the film "Home Alone" so we named him "Kevin" after the main boy. we moved into a flat with dad, it was nice, i had my own room..and a big sitting room, i really liked it. mum got pregnant again and we were worried, but everything was fine and mum gave birth to Sylvia, my little blue eyed, blonde haired sister, i was a big sister, i felt so proud. after that, mum and dad started having problems, they were arguments and alot of shouting, i was scared alot of the time, and i hated it. We moved to another flat at this point, not as nice and next to a train line, smaller if i say so too. Next door lived a family, called "Pastore", there was the dad, the mum and 2 sisters. one was older then me and the other younger, "Nicola" was the older one and "Shannon" was the younger one. This family was to have a big impact on my life too. i met Shannon and i knew that she was a sister God never gave me. when i was 10 mum had another baby girl, Monica, my little brown haired, brown eyed sister, me and Sylvia never felt so proud, and mum and dad looked like they generally had patched things up and were really trying to work things out. we became a happy family once again and everything was fine. Mum who hadn't talked to her mum in 10 years, since she left Portugal even began talking to her again and started visiting her in Portugal, which was very weird but good, because we were having family holidays. everything was good UNTIL 2002, 3rd of June to be exact, it was mums birthday and she had a party, dad came home and something snapped in him. me, Sylvia and Monica went with Shannon next door to get her clothes, she was gonna sleep round for the first time. we were so excited. Suddenly mum was knocking on the door, saying she had called the police on dad, he tried to kill her. I FAINTED! i couldn't understand, i just passed out, i saw dad being taken into the police van and I'm never gonna get the image out of my head, i cried so much, mum cried, everyone cried. it was awful. Shannon was there for me, we hugged and cried nearly all night. next day mum went to the police station and dad was charged. i was gutted. what had happened to my family? dad went to jail for 3 months, i never saw him..not once..! i missed him, it was really bad. 2005 came and it was a shit year, i was totally messed up, i listened to one song over and over from SIMPLE PLAN - welcome to me life. i was screwed up, everything was wrong. mum and dad tried to work things out for a while, dad even moved back in, for abit..they tried, but it didn't work..and dad moved out again. he moved into a one bedroom apartment. mum started acting weird, she wanted a man in her life, she was scared of getting old alone, she became a bit slaggy, in my eyes. it was weird to see her like that. in 2007 mum went one step further and started going Portugal alone, to see a friend she had met online, who turned into her boyfriend suddenly. Then she brought him over to live with us, dad stayed away even more then usual so he wouldn't have to see him, it became harder to see dad. The man was a stranger to me and my sisters, and yet he lived with us, it was weirddd. me and him didn't get on, one night a fight went abit too far, he slapped me and mum called the police on me. i couldnt believe my mother wasn't on my side and she had taken his..i was in the right, and he was in the worng but that was the turning point, he felt ashamed and so he decided to leave within a week. he went back to Portugal, mum missed him and so she decided she had to leave to be with him too. me and my sisters miss Portugal badly but we have our life here, we were in the middle of exams so we couldn't leave. we stayed and dad moved in. mum said she was going for 3 months, she said she couldn't be away from us too long..! 1 year and a half later here we are.... no mum and i haven't seen her, i hardly speak to her. i guess she had issues, my relationship with her will be the same as her mothers and hers was for 10 years. we still live with dad, and mum is no longer with the man. she lives with my nan now. to think the woman who wouldn't leave me anywhere when she first had me, the woman who travelled round the world to protect me, just abandoned her daughters.. i miss her but i thank god for Joanne, Sylvia, Shannon and Monica....!!
they are my life.

Heartbroken.

Annie;

jinos

i miss..

Nothing ever changes, everythings the same as before! WHY DO I CARE?! Estou cansada da forma como as coisas acontecem, eu estou cansada de ter esse sentimento. Tudo isso é merda. Eu nem sequer quero pensar sobre isso mais, estou muito cansada de tudo.
What's up? o que está acontecendo ..? hoje foi ok, foi o meu último dia de trabalho para uma semana inteira ;) e passamos a maior parte do dia com uma festa da Páscoa para as crianças. foi tão brilhante. Foi o último dia da Cornelia de trabalho, porém, ela não vai voltar mais, e eu vou sentir a falta dela honestamente, apesar de eu conhecer ela apenas um curto período de tempo. foi fixe. Eu não vi tudo o filme alemãeo na noite passada porque eu estava tão cansado, eu adormeci, e realmente eu estava lamentável, esta manhã. Eu não posso esperar para a shannon voltar da Itália, para saber como era e principalmente para falar com ela, eu sinto a falta dela como uma louca. teehee. Também gostaria de ter outra noite de festa talvez com a joanne outra vez, foi mesmo fixe e eu adorei mesmo na ultima vez. Tenho saudades da minhas amigas, elas sao as mais melhor do mundo. ;)

eu e a joanne.. ;) eu adoro-te!


eu e a shannon.. amo te muito ! ;) Until next time.Annie;jinos

Happy 4th Of April

Hello All, So today has been alright actually, the weather is bloomin amazing.. and i have had some fun downloading alot of foreign music, including Japanese :) This morning i was meant to go Primark, but i felt so lazy and i only really wanted to go to buy a pair of dolly shoes.. so instead i went to the high road and brought them there for a bit more money but, there cute Shannon is on her way to Italy, and today on facebook i get a message from her saying she's going through Germany, Man i wish i was with her..! :( Deeply Depressed and Saddened, maybe even a little jealous! LOL, right got photos to upload of the past few hours/days.


some fun times, this week, our kitchen sink looked a mess a few days ago, it was disgusting, thank god i washed it all up. And we brought CornFlour to play with the other day, that was fun tooo :) [click the links to see bigger pictures]. Today has been alright, brought my new shoes and decided something important..! :).. Also today is an important day.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATH.. another year. still missed and still loved, always in my heart.. untouched and pure.. Miss you x

All For Now..

Annie;

jinos

Terça a noite - feliz aniversário.

Good afternoon, evening.. whoa what a day i'm knackered. i feel ill, my throat hurts, my teeth hurt, my right ear hurts in fact the right hand side of my face hurts. ive got to sort all this out before i get time off for easter, i don't want to be ill on easter break. I think im weak, dad says i got low blood pressure, so i might book an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to do a check on me, and see if theres anything he might recommend me to do, besides stop working and sleep more! LOL Apart from being ill, today has been not worth it if you know what i mean, total DUD. One good thing about today, Georg turns 22..

Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag..

Happy birthday, little sex beast..

(oh, how you have changed) xD

i woke up this morning to this lady and i got to say..everytime this woman comes on the screen she amazes me, i find her very inspirational.

Just amazing in my eyes, she dont do no wrong.. teehee. i have alot more courseowrk to do tonight, so i doubt i'll blog back, but you never know! :P

Till Then

Annie;

jinos