Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Here We Go..

I don't usually post this deep, but certain things happen and you shouldn't keep it inside. so "Here We Go".. i'm Ana, born in faro, raised in vila franca de xira and porto alto. it was a happy time, had my nans, grandpa's, cousins, aunties and uncles near by. i lived with my mum and dad, mum was 17 when she had me and dad was about 27, they thought they were in love, and so little Ana Cristina Viegas was born. Dad wanted to get out of Portugal, he had dreams, he wanted to make something of himself, he packed up and moved to England, promising to send for me and mum when he had settled down, had a job and a house. Mum missed him, she wrote letters to him all the time, he called, i sent him a fathers day card mum helped me make (you know i found that card in my dads things about 4 years ago, i still have it, all old and faded). Mum couldn't stand to be near her mum (my nan) they didn't always get on, nan was controlling and i think she didn't think mum could look after me so she tried to raise me as her own, mum didn't like that, and so decided to leave Portugal. we had no idea where dad was except it was somewhere in England. mum decided to go to France, to live with her auntie Rosa. nan tried everything to stop us, and mum didn't have enough money, so my uncle offered her the money, she was too proud to take it so she gave him some old sofas we had in our house as part of a deal, (my uncle still mentions this, that he took the sofas even though he never needed them, just so we could "ESCAPE"). Mum went to the local cafe and the woman made some sandwiches and bottles of milk for me for the journey for free. mum had one suitcase, she filled it with my stuff and she left all her stuff. We were really going. i was leaving my home, i was leaving my family, my nan who had yogurts in her fridge for me all the time, my uncle gab who would come see me and i knew it was him because of his motorbike noise, my uncle tino who used to buy me nappies, but i had my mum. i was going to France for who knew how long..! it was going to be fine. We arrived and went to auntie Rosa and uncle Raymond's house. they were strict, i soon started nursery in France, i couldn't talk one word of it, and i had to point at everything i wanted, but i made friends. it was my new life. After 3 months dad wrote, he had a job..we could come over, he could support us. so mum packed everything up again. for me it was a way of life, i just thought that's how everyone lived. We were leaving again, but i still had my mum. When we arrived in England, mum went right past dad, didn't even recognise him (he had grown his hair) haha i realised it was him straight away though. dad got us set up in an apartment type thing, (at this point i lived next door to my best friend and i didn't even know her yet) :P mum made friends in our apartment with another Portuguese woman who would go on to be her best friend for ever in England "Paula" i became friends with her son "gerson". Soon i started primary school, in year 1, i had done reception in France. it was god hard to understand, i had Portuguese and french in my head and now another language..?! Mum also found it hard, being away from dad, he didn't live with us yet, and her trying to understand English. she once went in a shop and had to open the bottle and smell it to see what it was (it was bleach) lol life went on normally until i was in year 3, they mixed the children around and i got put in the same class as "Joanne Calvert" (my life would never be the same again) she understood me, she helped me, she was there for me and we became best friends! wherever she was i was there too..teachers stared Calling us "JO-ANNA", it became easier. haha. when i was about 5 years old, mum lost a baby, i was with her in the hospital and i saw the baby all blue, and tiny. mum had alot of injections which made me scream the hospital down. i was in love with the film "Home Alone" so we named him "Kevin" after the main boy. we moved into a flat with dad, it was nice, i had my own room..and a big sitting room, i really liked it. mum got pregnant again and we were worried, but everything was fine and mum gave birth to Sylvia, my little blue eyed, blonde haired sister, i was a big sister, i felt so proud. after that, mum and dad started having problems, they were arguments and alot of shouting, i was scared alot of the time, and i hated it. We moved to another flat at this point, not as nice and next to a train line, smaller if i say so too. Next door lived a family, called "Pastore", there was the dad, the mum and 2 sisters. one was older then me and the other younger, "Nicola" was the older one and "Shannon" was the younger one. This family was to have a big impact on my life too. i met Shannon and i knew that she was a sister God never gave me. when i was 10 mum had another baby girl, Monica, my little brown haired, brown eyed sister, me and Sylvia never felt so proud, and mum and dad looked like they generally had patched things up and were really trying to work things out. we became a happy family once again and everything was fine. Mum who hadn't talked to her mum in 10 years, since she left Portugal even began talking to her again and started visiting her in Portugal, which was very weird but good, because we were having family holidays. everything was good UNTIL 2002, 3rd of June to be exact, it was mums birthday and she had a party, dad came home and something snapped in him. me, Sylvia and Monica went with Shannon next door to get her clothes, she was gonna sleep round for the first time. we were so excited. Suddenly mum was knocking on the door, saying she had called the police on dad, he tried to kill her. I FAINTED! i couldn't understand, i just passed out, i saw dad being taken into the police van and I'm never gonna get the image out of my head, i cried so much, mum cried, everyone cried. it was awful. Shannon was there for me, we hugged and cried nearly all night. next day mum went to the police station and dad was charged. i was gutted. what had happened to my family? dad went to jail for 3 months, i never saw him..not once..! i missed him, it was really bad. 2005 came and it was a shit year, i was totally messed up, i listened to one song over and over from SIMPLE PLAN - welcome to me life. i was screwed up, everything was wrong. mum and dad tried to work things out for a while, dad even moved back in, for abit..they tried, but it didn't work..and dad moved out again. he moved into a one bedroom apartment. mum started acting weird, she wanted a man in her life, she was scared of getting old alone, she became a bit slaggy, in my eyes. it was weird to see her like that. in 2007 mum went one step further and started going Portugal alone, to see a friend she had met online, who turned into her boyfriend suddenly. Then she brought him over to live with us, dad stayed away even more then usual so he wouldn't have to see him, it became harder to see dad. The man was a stranger to me and my sisters, and yet he lived with us, it was weirddd. me and him didn't get on, one night a fight went abit too far, he slapped me and mum called the police on me. i couldnt believe my mother wasn't on my side and she had taken his..i was in the right, and he was in the worng but that was the turning point, he felt ashamed and so he decided to leave within a week. he went back to Portugal, mum missed him and so she decided she had to leave to be with him too. me and my sisters miss Portugal badly but we have our life here, we were in the middle of exams so we couldn't leave. we stayed and dad moved in. mum said she was going for 3 months, she said she couldn't be away from us too long..! 1 year and a half later here we are.... no mum and i haven't seen her, i hardly speak to her. i guess she had issues, my relationship with her will be the same as her mothers and hers was for 10 years. we still live with dad, and mum is no longer with the man. she lives with my nan now. to think the woman who wouldn't leave me anywhere when she first had me, the woman who travelled round the world to protect me, just abandoned her daughters.. i miss her but i thank god for Joanne, Sylvia, Shannon and Monica....!!
they are my life.



*IzzY_MeL* said...

Oii ^.^

Fiqeui emocionada com o teu post, por um lado foi bom desabafares tudo o que te vai no coração e libertares toda a angústia que te consome. Não consigo sequer imaginar o que tem sido viver a tua vida, mas calculo que não tenha sido nada fácil...

A vida consegue ser tão injusta por vezes, e com as pessoas que não o merecem, porque estou certa que és um amor de rapariga com um coração bom. Contudo, admiro-te por continuares com essa força de viver forte e alegre, porque a vida é curta e não adianta ficar presa ao passado, principalmente se este for recheado de más recordações.

Sorrir para a vida depois de tudo o que passaste é um desafio constante mas sei que o consegues fazer :)

O sítio onde moro é muito perto de vila franca de xira :)

Já te adicionei no msn, agora resta ver quando é que te vou apanhar online.

Gosto da tua nova foto do perfil :)

Beijo e Abraço Apertado****


Kristen Anderson™ [XaNiNHaHh*] said...

yeah, I saw this post too =S

eu estou melhor agora...fez-me bem desabafar...e tu como estas?


Kristen Anderson™ [XaNiNHaHh*] said...

and now he date and you miss him right?

gosh, it's the same situation O.O thank god I have someone who understand what I'm feeling right now...

like, I think I'm better...I mean, I try not to think about this all situation..but in the next weekend I'll be with my friends, and he will be there...let see how I'll act...

maybe we are bitches...or maybe we just are teenagers try to figure out this stupid world...don't know =S


Kristen Anderson™ [XaNiNHaHh*] said...

I understand you so well! It's the same with me...I like his atention...and seems that I'm jelous of his girlsfriend but if he broked with her and ask me for date I would say no, I beg I would! =S

gosh, we're so complicated x.x

Kristen Anderson™ [XaNiNHaHh*] said...

i think it's just stupid...I mean, it's crazy x.x anyway...

I just know that I don't want to destroy his relationship...I know he loves her and I know that I don't love him...would be really bad and I'm not that kind of person...BUT still then, I'm jelous x.x

is that normal? gosh


Kristen Anderson™ [XaNiNHaHh*] said...

yeah, you're right!

well, anyway... xP

so, I have to go...see you tomorrow =)

DeeDee said...

Aww this post is soo sweet but sad at the same time :)
See your portugese ass in 10 minz!


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