Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Magazine Article

I usually buy my dosage of weekly magazines, and as usual i went into my nearby corner shop and brought the magazine "Company". I enjoy this magazine, as it has fashion, make up, celebrity gossip, real life stories plus some articles that make me giggle. In this month's "Company" theres an article i think i just have to share with the blogger world. Hope u enjoy it too. It made me giggle and smile :)

I've always done this thing with girlfriends, i imagine them pregnant. It normal freaks me right out because, while i love babies, it's children i don't like. Babies can't stick a jam sandwich into the DVD player or dial outer Mongolia on your mobile. They just sit there and gargle and giggle, and that i can deal with. I love holding other people's babies, though i look at every single one of them and wonder how many months before they'll be single handedly destroying a supermarket or screaming down a restaurant. On the bus, i can drown out most tantrums by turning up Kasabian on my ipod - well until last month, when a problem arose that i couldn't sort with music. I think i might be pregnant said my lovely girlfriend, Claire, Completely out of the blue. it's the one sentence that creates blind panic in men. inside our brains, sirens wail and red lights flash, and instead of saying, "Congratulations, Darling," or "Fantastic news!" we tend to say things like, "My life is over!" or, even worse, "We'll have to get rid of it!". But it's honestly not because we're being insensitive. It's because, unless your fella is 40, or already a parent, he's probably still living like he's 16 years old. And an unexpected pregnancy Can decimate our dreams and burst the bubble that is our Peter Pan like existence. I was on the bus when Claire rang me with the news. I was playing Sonic Hedgehog on my iPhone and i had the sound up at maximum because someones little darling was bashing out the theme to Postman Pat on the bus's bell. My life suddenly flashed before my eyes. I imagined a man from eBay coming round to get my Xbox, and me tearfully buying nappies with the cash. Instead of using my season ticket at Tottenham, I'd be taking the sprog to one of those ball Park places (which I'd secretly want to play in myself) and be spending my evenings up to my neck in vomit instead of lager. Plus my massive telly would only show weird purple characters speaking endless gibberish instead of The Wire. I think i said something like "But.. it's just not possible." But it was possible, Claire has been known to take a Tic Tac instead of her pill in the dark before, While her periods are so unreliable that you don't need a calender to check them off, but a bingo card. Add in the fact that we're at it most evenings (and some mornings), and you could actually confuse us with a couple actually trying for a kiddywink. Claire hung up on me and i stared out the window and prayed for god to get me out of this mess. It happened to a bloke at school called Peter when we were really 16. He shagged a classmate on the penalty spot on the football Field and, nine months later the girl went to hospital with cramps and came back with a baby. The school gave every boy in our year a bag of flour to look after for a week, as a lesson in how shit it would be to have a baby. Mine split and exploded into white dust after i used it as a goalpost on day one. Peter had wanted to travel the world, fly planes and go on adventures, but instead, he was lumbered with a living breathing bag of flour for life. It was when i thought of Peter and those bags of flour that i came to my senses. I'm 27 and I've been around the world, flown a plane and had my adventures. I'm not saying that my life is over, but perhaps I'm ready for a different adventure - one i can share with Claire. I think i grew up a decade in that moment, and the Xbox, football and my selfish life suddenly became irrelevant. So, when the pregnancy test came back negative, our baby instantly exploded into white dust and i found myself morbidly sad. That night i looked at Claire and imagined a big bump on her. And i caught myself smiling..

Haha, this article actually made me giggle and i loved it! :)
Writer : Jeff Maysh

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