Sunday, 20 June 2010

Phew

Everyone wants a new blog post from me, so here it is!
Prepare, I'm going to be honest about everything, so be warned.
I hate it here, life here and with these people, I've had enough, i blame everything on her, its her fault this is how i feel, its her fault that i don't trust people properly, shes a bitch my mother, not even enough of a woman to be called a mother, she just provided an egg to be mixed with sperm. i don't care if i never see her again, i hate her.. enough of my love has been wasted on her, I've cried enough for her wasted tears, not like she calls, not like she texts, not like she fucking even cares about us or whats happening.. Don't think you'll ever be allowed back into my life like you once was. My father HUH is that what you want to call him, yeah OK aren't you supposed to honer your father and mother, FUCK that shit, they wish.. they don't have respect for them selves why should i respect people when they treat each other and me like shit. Full of crap this man, wish he'd own up and be a man, you have 3 kids, did you forget you made them, well if you know then try and provide for them yeah, come on man up... grow a dick and have some respect, you want someone to be around you when your older to look after you then you better owe upp, and start acting like a dad, your the last thing the girls have and their the last thing you have too.. you wanna die cold then Carry on, you'll get there. And you, you try and your there, but your selfish.. i don't know if its me or if it really is you, some things are just too much, and sometimes when I'm with you i stop and have to think if this is right and if all of it is enough for me, call me a brat, say I'm childish..i don't care anymore, sometimes i stop..step back and look to see if what i got is right! and sometimes it don't feel right, then you say well if your not happy leave.. yeah i would but sometimes i think I'm scared of being alone.. screwed up right?! staying with someone because your scared of being alone is soo stupid.. but that's me! I'll end up alone, one day i know it, too bad.. life seems crap anyway maybe alone ain't a bad thing!!

4 comments:

DeeDee said...

Ana!
I really don't know what to say, seeing as I'm not in your house 24/7 and I don't like it when my portugese neighbours are hurt!

I know you're going through some tough times right about now, but don't give up - I've always seen you as such a strong woman...for your age.
Things will get better soon, have faith,
I Love you!
xxxx

Anonymous said...

Ola, you ok? Haven't spoken to you in ages.. Hope you don't mind me Reading your blog:) I don't know you that well but the way you have written really does say it's come from the heart all the emotions you've put down about your feelings, I can see you've gone through things many people wouldn't dream of... Don't let it get to you. & don't stop living your life.. Mas nao desistas.. You will not end up alone you have friends & family who love you too bits & just eana see you happy Inc danny.. Really enjoyed Reading your other blogs:) I just love blogs. Tk care x ana

*IzzY_MeL* said...

Ana nunca estarás só.Mesmo quando nada parece correr bem terás sempre as tuas irmãs,elas são a tua família.A vida não é justa mas sei que ficarás bem, pois mereces tudo de bom.ânimo linda xxx

Ana Cristina said...

Diane, i love you as i have told you already today hunny.. thank you! ;)
i want to know who anonymous is? you mention my boyfriends name and you say you like reading my blog, of course i dont mind you reading it, i wish i knew who you were though?? lol let me know!
and izzy i miss you, thank you hunny! <3

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